Friday, November 30, 2012

My strategy for winning the battle of the sexes with a player

This was my checklist of do's and don'ts when I decided to see if I had the woman-power to win a player's devotion. Might work on "normal" men, too. No guarantees.

How to Act/React

  • Reward the man and ignore the player
  • Maintain your Feminine Mystique -- He's on a need to know basis on everything. Don't volunteer any info, especially on past relationships or anything negative
  • Have to be ok with walking away from relationship with him. If at any point you're not willing to walk away, then you will lose before even playing.
  • In texts, be inviting...ask questions; avoid declarative sentences
  • Give what is asked for but don't offer anything
  • He wants to wonder what you are doing. So let him. -- Don't tell him where you are nor where you've been nor where you're going. Be vague. Let him think you're going on a hot date.
  • Ignore suspected mass texts ("Where r u?") at night -- only respond when you're willing to be his booty call, should he choose you. And you have to be ok if he trades up after you respond. If you know that he trades up more than he takes you up, then withdraw from the field of battle. You have to be a "preferred option" to have a chance in winning this game. If he doesn't prioritize you as a booty call, he's never going to prioritize you in his "regular" life.
  • Do not like him more than he likes you
  • If he needs some distance, give it to him. When he comes back, welcome him. Chill out. If he doesn’t text or call you for three days, just live your life
  • Let it ride -- if you're unsure how to handle a situation, let it ride until you figure out the best plan of action
  • Have no expectations -- you must have the mindset of "no yesterday / no tomorrow, just this moment"
  • Giving mixed signals is ok -- sometimes you really like him a lot; sometimes you like him just a little bit; sometimes you can be a little distant, but he should always know you like him. Never be cruel or cold.
  • Let him be in charge
  • You can have what you want if you will believe in it

Thoughts to remember: These thoughts should govern your actions if you're ever unsure what to do.

  • "Men are more hung up on feelings than on looks. They stay if they feel good around you. Leave if they don't." - Evan Marc Katz -- If you have a choice between saying something that makes him feel good or something that makes him feel bad, do the former.
  • "How can they miss you if you won't go away" (Source: a comedian, can't remember whom) -- The more you want to be with him, the more you stay away until HE CONTACTS YOU!
  • Men equate "longing" with love. (Source: ???) Make sure you give him plenty of opportunities to long for you. If you're always underfoot, that ain't gonna happen.

What to "Be"

  • Be positive. Have a positive outlook on life. Only show him your positive side. Caveat: this only works if you are at heart a positive person. If you're a sourpuss, he's going to see right through it. Or do the pump and dump. If you are not a positive person, withdraw from the field of battle before you even try anything. You're doomed to fail if you're a negative person. 
  • Be ok with one and done -- if you're playing with a player, you have to be ok with the "pump and dump" -- if not ok, don't play; save yourself some heartache and withdraw from the field of battle
  • You have to be ok with being his booty call
  • Be fabulous
  • Be unreadable
  • Be complimentary
  • Be receptive
  • Be supportive
  • Be nurturing
  • Be unpredictable
  • Be direct
  • Be above it all
  • Be ok with sharing -- if you're playing with a player, you have to be ok with sharing him with other women until you win his devotion. If you never win his devotion, withdraw from the battle or accept that you have to share. It's possible that even if you win his devotion, you may have to share. Once you win his devotion, you may have to have the exclusivity talk. But I would say if you have to have the talk, don't. Just either walk away or accept. You lose hand if you have the talk. HE has to bring up exclusivity. OR you have to be able to discern that he's being exclusive with you without the talk.
  • Live and let live -- while he's living his player life, you have to live yours. Don't allow him to become the center of your universe. You have to keep him on the fringes.
  • Don't EVER let him see you sweat. Let him see your anger when warranted, but never jealousy or insecurities.
  • Be happy
  • Be friendly
  • Be the most positive honest person you that you can be
  • Everything changes
  • You will be surprised

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